Good Riddance 2010!

This was definitely, by far, the WORST. YEAR. EVER.  So why should I expect anything less than to send 2010 off with a bang?  I spent the last morning of the year in L&D Triage with right lower quadrant pain.  I've had the pain on and off for the last couple of days, and thought it was just round ligament pain (normal pain from the uterus growing - and considering I have put on a couple of pounds over the holidays, I deserved that!).  But I also noticed that the area was tender when pressed, and although I had no other symptoms I was worried (paranoid?) about appendicitis.  So when I called the doctor's office, and considering my history, the doctor wanted to see me right away.

All the lab work came back fine, and another ultrasound and cervix check were equally fine.  But my irritable uterus is back....basically, the irritabilities are like minor little contractions, occurring because I have a smaller build and there are two babies crammed in my belly.  So after a shot of Terbutaline (which is equal to having a lot of expresso - makes you very jittery!) I was sent home with a prescription for Procardia to take every 6 hours for the duration of the pregnancy.  The Procardia is actually a blood pressure medication, used off label to help smooth the uterine lining so I hopefully won't have contractions. 

I'm thankful everything is fine, but I am heading toward the weeks where I started experiencing changes in my last pregnancy, so it's hard not to be worried and scared.   I'm basically living appointment to appointment, and know that at any time I could end up on bed rest or in the hospital, but I have faith that everything is going to work out this time!

GOOD RIDDANCE 2010!  I'm off to celebrate the new year - here's to 2011 being a MUCH better year!

Anatomy Scan

On Wednesday I had the big anatomy scan, and the babies look perfect!  Heart rates are good, and they are measuring in at 11oz and 12oz - right on target.  Very relieved, although I wasn't really expecting any issues to be noted with the babies.  I was more concerned with my cervix...

The doctor is always very quiet when measuring my cervix, and I swear I hold my breath for 5 minutes during the exam.  I could tell from the ultrasound screen that it didn't look too bad, but of course I'm not an expert (although I should be with as many ultrasounds I've had).   Then she started asking me about my recent activity level, and of course with the holidays I had been a bit more active between shopping and parties and everything...so I started babbling about how I always make sure to rest and not shop longer than 2 hours at a time without sitting down, etc.  And in the end, my cervix was fine - hovering around 4 cm, not much change from 2 weeks ago.  WHEW!   

Halfway There!

Today is the halfway mark for me - 19 weeks!  Technically halfway would be 20 weeks, but since the doctors have already said they would induce at 38 weeks (May 5), I'm halfway there.  I know I've said this before, but I really am surprised at how quickly the time has gone.   There's lots of milestones coming up though....anatomy scan on Dec 29 (almost 20 weeks), then 23 weeks (when I ended up on bed rest), then 24 weeks (very important - the babies become viable at 24 weeks, and that is when I went into the hospital).  That puts me through the end of January.  It's going to be a rough month to get through, but if I make it to 24 weeks with no issues, I'm going to be happy.

Chili Dinner and Tree Dedication

After the loss of Scott and George, our wonderful friends and family raised money to plant trees in the park in memory of the twins.  They raised so much money that they could purchase two oak trees, plus had over $1000 left that was donated to March of Dimes.  Truly amazing and I'm really speechless every time I think about it. 

About a week ago, the Olmstead Parks Conservancy planted the trees at Seneca Park down by Big Rock.  The trees are planted just on the other side of the playground, and we can walk there from our house.  Scott and I went down for the planting; he got to help shovel dirt, and due to my pregnancy I just gave orders.  ;)  

In order to thank our friends and family that donated for these beautiful trees, we decided to have a chili dinner.  It was a little last minute, since we didn't have much notice when the trees were planted, and it's also the holiday season.  But all things considered, we had a wonderful turn out last night of about 60 people.  Scott and I are truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family - without their love and support we would not have been able to make it through this difficult year.     

We're Having.....

two boys again!  Kind of shocked but very excited.  I know we've been spreading the news amongst friends and family for a few weeks, but now that we've had 4 appointments with different ultrasound techs that have all said the same thing, we're pretty safe to assume no mistakes have been made.  :)  My big 20-week anatomy scan is Dec 29, so we'll get to see the babies in greater detail and hopefully learn that they are perfectly healthy.

Names are still under discussion, but will be released when we make our final decision!

Tis the Season....

....for progesterone shots!! Yes, last Thursday at 16 weeks I began a weekly progesterone shot.  It's a different formulation of progesterone than what I had daily during the first trimester after IVF.  This progesterone is to help prevent preterm labor (PTL). The first shot was not so pleasant....I had an adverse reaction (ha ha - a little work lingo) of itching, swelling, and redness at the injection site, and it seemed to last for days!  So far so good today with the second shot though - Nurse Scott must have gotten his groove back with the needle.  Thank goodness he can administer the shots (and he's pretty good at it too!) - some people have to go into the doctor's office weekly to get these (and pay to have them administered, on top of the price of the medication). 

I can't believe I'm 17 weeks pregnant today - time is literally flying by.  And to top it off - Scott and I both felt at least one of the babies move last night!  It really is an amazing feeling.  It's still early so we may not feel them move again for days or a couple of weeks, but I love having the reassurance that the babies are still alive and kickin', especially since I didn't have a doctor's appointment this week. 

Christmas Decorating

On Sunday, we put up the tree and decorated the house a bit for Christmas.  I did fine until I started unwrapping ornaments for the tree.  With the first box of ornaments, I started crying, realizing that we would never get to see clothespin reindeer or glittery pine cones, decorated and hand made with love by our twins.  I would never get to buy them each an ornament for every year, so when they grew up they would have enough ornaments to decorate their own tree.  

With the second box of ornaments, I found two that had been in our stockings last year - a pregnant bear for the mommy to be with my name, and a box of cigars for the father to be for Scott.  I had completely forgotten about these, and needless to say this started another round of waterworks. 

Somehow we managed to get the house as decorated as it is going to be this year, and I'm glad we did.  It's sad knowing that there won't be gifts from Santa to the twins under the tree on Christmas morning.  But, I am pregnant (and showing!), and this fact is helping me get through the holidays, knowing that I have two more precious babies to meet next April.

Black Friday

There is not a big enough sale in the world that would make me get out of my warm bed in the middle of the night - pregnant or not - to face the crazy crowds shopping on Black Friday!  I will gladly shop online and pay for shipping in order to save my sanity.  And after my experience at TJ Maxx on a Sunday a couple of weeks ago - all of my store shopping will be completed during the week too!  Pregnancy hormones and crazy Christmas shoppers don't mix. :)

Thanksgiving

Happy Turkey Day everyone!

Even with all the tragedy that has struck our family this year, we still have a lot for which to be thankful.  We are thankful for the few days we did get to spend with our twins, and the memories that we will cherish of them forever.  And I am thankful for the many years that I did get to have with my sister, especially the last 4 years when we lived in the same city.  Scott and I are both thankful for our strong relationship, because a weaker relationship could easily have broken with the stress of what we have endured over the past two years, but we are even stronger than before. 

We are blessed with wonderful family and friends that have supported us through everything, and we wouldn't be where we are today without them.  And finally, we are blessed with the two new lives growing inside of me, that we can't wait to meet - hopefully no sooner than mid-April!

VACATION!

Hooray for vacation time!  I've been off since last Friday, and will be off until the Monday after Thanksgiving.  Normally, we pack up the dog and go to Destin for a few days during this time.  But, I'm on a travel restriction and we have a lot going on right now, so decided against the trip this year.  A few days of relaxation and sunshine aren't worth something happening far away from home.  Instead, I've actually started Christmas shopping, writing Christmas cards, and will probably decorate the house this weekend.

Went back to the OB today, and the babies are looking great, heart beats in the 140s.  We could really see arms and legs moving everywhere, and the spine was very noticeable on each baby.  Can't wait for the big anatomy scan, which still hasn't been scheduled but should be before Christmas.  Stay tuned to find out the genders!  :)

Post Op Follow Up

Went in this morning for my cerclage post-op follow up.  My cervix and cerclage are picture perfect - literally, the doctor took an ultrasound picture of it to use as a reference.  :)  It's great to know that the procedure was a success, but I know it's still not a guarantee that my cervix won't start funneling down the road.  Since my problems didn't start until 23 weeks, and I'm only 14 weeks as of tomorrow, I know I've got awhile before I gain enough weight to start putting major pressure on my cervix.  But for now, everything is going great!

As a bonus we also had an ultrasound and got to see those precious babies wriggling around.  They are movers and shakers!  Amniotic fluid amount was good, and there was fluid in the bladder and stomach, so it appears the digestive and urinary tracts are working properly.  We didn't get to measure to see how much they've grown, but will at the next appointment on Dec 1st.

Headstone

A few days ago, the cemetery called to let us know that our headstone was finally ready and had been put in place.   So, on Friday morning, Scott and I got up and went to see it for the first time.  I never would have thought that at 34 years old, I'd have my cemetery plot and headstone set, and definitely never expected to have buried my children before me.  

It is a beautiful cemetery (if there is such a thing), and the plot is on a hill that overlooks St. X high school, where the twins would have gone, like their dad, uncles, and grandfather before them.  Actually, I can't take credit for picking the spot - when the twins passed, my parents and in-laws were the ones that took care of all the funeral arrangements.  Scott and I knew that we didn't want the twins to be buried by themselves, but at the time we didn't think we were ready to have our own plot.  So, his parents bought their plot with a space for the twins, plus put a hold on another plot next to it.  Luckily, his parents suspected that we may change our minds, which we did.  So now we can be buried with the twins, and Scott's parents will be next to us.  

The headstone is about 5 feet tall, made out of black granite.  It's very simple, although I suspect that whomever purchases the plots behind us may not like its size!  We're happy that it's in place before the holidays, so we can decorate, although sadly it's not the kind of decorating we thought we'd be doing this Christmas.  It does make things a little easier to know that we are pregnant again - the thought of future children doesn't ease the pain of our loss, but does give us something to look forward to as we pass all of these milestones during the first year.  The twins would be 8 months old tomorrow, and I can't help but think how different our lives would be now had they survived.       

The Big "C"

Cerclage day was yesterday!  What a LOOONNNGG day.  Was at the hospital at 1030a for pre-op.  That's the first time I'd had to stay in a hospital room since delivery, and I must say it didn't bring back good memories.  The pre-op room was also very small with sliding glass doors, which reminded me of the room my sister was in during her fight with leukemia - again, not good memories.  It must have been written all over my face, because everyone kept asking if I was OK.  Beside the fact I had on no makeup, am Casper the Ghost pale, and would have paid money to sit anywhere else other than that room, I was fine.  After a quick ultrasound to check that the babies were OK it was off to surgery.

Surgery time was 1230p, and everyone said I was the "perfect" patient - I guess because I'm not high maintenance!  After my spinal block I had to wait about 5 minutes for it to take affect.  I was numb from my waist down, but could still move my feet a little.  Then, I laid down on the (very skinny) operating table and the doctors put my legs in stirrups.  I could feel my left leg twitching and shaking, but I had no control over it - very weird!  The placement of the cerclage only took about 10 minutes - the doctor ties the cervix shut with what they call a purse string.  I could feel some tugging and pulling but no pain.  I LOVE my high risk OB - she's very personable and an excellent doctor.

Off to recovery...I had to wait for the numbness to wear off so I could walk, and also use the bathroom, before they would allow me to leave.  Finally at 430p they let me go home.   So not only had I been at the hospital for 6 hours, it had been almost 17 hours since I had eaten!  Dinner never tasted so good (BLTs and fruit)!

The usual restrictions are in place - no exercise, no heavy lifting - but other than taking it easy for a couple of days, I'm not technically on bed rest or anything right now.  I feel completely fine, like nothing even happened yesterday.  I feel much better that the cerclage is in place; I know it's not a magical cure but it is a safety net.  Oh, and I'm 13 weeks pregnant today - officially in my 2nd trimester!  So two milestones down in the last two days.  As each day progresses it's hard not to get more and more excited about the two little ones growing inside of me!

Moving right along....

...11 weeks and 4 days today.  Appointments went well last week; both babies measuring on target with great heart rates.  The high risk doctor noted that they would not let me go past 38 weeks, which is May 5.  Derby babies!  :) 

Cerclage is scheduled for next week - Nov 10th.  My appointment isn't until 1230p and I can't eat after midnight the night before - that is just cruelty to a pregnant lady!  The procedure only takes about 10 minutes, but with all the pre-op, ultrasound, and recovery I'll be at the hospital most of the day.  I'm just glad it's scheduled so I can plan my time off for the remainder of the year!

Good news - the doctor approved a day out for Breeder's Cup this weekend!  She noted the stipulations were no drinking and no cigars.  I think I can handle that!  Now I just have to find an outfit to fit this crazy body of mine - I'm not really into maternity clothes, but my regular clothes don't quite fit either.  Early pregnancy shopping is awful!

Double Digits

I've made it to double digits - 10 weeks and 2 days today!  This also means I'm 25% of the way through the pregnancy - probably a little more than that in my case, as I'm sure I won't make it the full 40 weeks with twins.  In just a few short weeks I'll be out of the first trimester too.  :)

Looking forward to all of the appointments this week so I can start planning time off from work for the cerclage, and use my remaining time to take off over the holidays.  I have a feeling that the last 2 months of the year are going to fly by.

 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

Again, late with the post.  October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and October 15th was the specific day designated for the cause.  Please take a minute or two and pray for those friends and loved ones that have experienced miscarriages, pre-term loss, stillbirth, and infant loss.  If you are able, please donate to your local chapter of March of Dimes - every penny helps in their quest that one day all babies will be born healthy! 

Graduation Day!

Well, I'm a little late with this post, but I graduated from the fertility clinic last Wednesday!  :)  I was 8 weeks and 6 days at my appointment.  Baby A was measuring 8 weeks and 4 days; Baby B at 9 weeks exactly.  Both with heart beats around 174.  My doctor was very pleased and wished us well through the remainder of the pregnancy.  My IVF coordinator expects me to keep her updated throughout - I think she is more nervous than I am about some things!  It's been great to have such amazing support from the staff at the fertility clinic - it makes me realize that we are doing the right thing. Another milestone down, many more to go.

Catch Up

Wow, lots to catch up on....it's been a couple of weeks since I've updated.  Both of my appointments went well last week, and there are two perfect little embryos developing!  At 6 weeks and 6 days, Baby A was measuring on target with a heart beat of 130; Baby B was measuring at 6 weeks and 5 days with a heart beat of 120.  Perfect!  I do have a subchorionic hemorrhage which has caused some bleeding, but my body should reabsorb the blood and it shouldn't cause any issues down the road.

As far as any pregnancy symptoms, smells are still getting to me, and no food sounds or tastes good.  I can go from not being hungry to STARVING in a second, but then get full quickly.  And I could sleep all day (and practically do!).  But this phase should be over soon.

Last weekend was great - we had the Light the Night Leukemia Walk.  My nieces organized a team in memory of their mom (my sister).  We had a great turnout and they raised over $7000 for the cause.  So proud of them!

I'm 8 weeks pregnant today, and go back to the fertility doctor next week.  I have regular OB and high risk OB appointments later this month.  The high risk consult will schedule the "Big C" - for the uninitiated, that's cerclage, or a stitch in my cervix to keep it from opening early as it did during my last pregnancy.  She should also let me know more about restrictions, such as no travel, bed rest, etc. 

6 Weeks and 1 Day

Another week down - 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant today.  Acccording to the What to Expect When Expecting application on my phone - the baby (babies?) is the size of a blueberry. 

Other than being extremely tired and certain smells starting to bother me, I've got no pregnancy symptoms, although I just feel a little "off".   But trust me, I'm not complaining that I'm not sick like most people! 

Anxious for our appointments next week - regular OB on Monday and fertility clinic on Wednesday.

5 Weeks and 1 Day

Five weeks and 1 day pregnant today - that's IT???  Considering it's about a 6 week prcoess prior to even getting pregnant for us, no wonder it seems longer.   Just finished my last set of labs and my next appointment will be an ultrasound!  Then we'll get to see what we're dealing with...one baby or two.  My plan of care will be slightly different if pregnant with two, and I definitely see bed rest in the future. But enough speculation - I'll find out what the plan is soon enough.

Happy Anniversary!

Happy 4th Anniversary to my hubby!  We've made a lot of memories together these past few years.  Since we can't take a trip to celebrate this year, we're headed to our favorite steak house for dinner tonight. 

Today our twins would have been 6 months old.  It's so hard to believe that it's been 6 months.  We miss those babies every single day and nothing could ever replace them, but we are looking forward to giving them siblings here in the near future.

More Labs

Busy weekend....baptism, birthday parties, football games....enough to wear a pregnant woman out, no matter how far along she may be!  Word has traveled quickly throughout our family and friends - I think it's safe to say the entire town knows we're pregnant again.

Another round of labs this morning, and besides the fact that my veins have had enough poking and are starting to refuse to give up any more blood, the results were good.  Beta hcg is still doubling every few days.  Final round of labs on Friday and then I move on to the ultrasound!

Pregnancy Labs

Well, yesterday was the big day....the mother of all labs....the pregnancy lab!  Of course, I already knew it was positive, because I've cheated - twice.  :)  On Monday, I took a home pregnancy test, and there was a very, very faint line.  On Wednesday, I repeated the test - and there was no doubt it was positive - so we went ahead and shared the news with our family.

As soon as I got in the car and turned on the radio after my appointment, a U2 song played.  U2 was one of my oldest sister's favorite bands.  I believe in signs, and I know this was just her way of saying that she is here with me,  and everything will be OK.  I can't bear the thought of my future children not ever getting to physically meet their aunt, but we will certainly tell our children all about her.  

My due date will be May 19, 2011.  I am 4 weeks pregnant.....36 more weeks to go.....   

Football!

First football game of the season was Saturday, a big college rivalry.  It was a fantastically beautiful, almost fall-like day here, couldn't ask for anything better.  Oh, except for if I could drink beer at the tailgate.  Bummer....another football season with no beer or bourbon.  :(

Oh, did I mention that my husband and I are "a house divided" on the rival teams...and my team won!  I have bragging rights for the next year.  :)

The Implant - August 29, 2010

Ahhh, Valium, how I love thee....was super nervous this morning waiting to see if the IVF clinic would call and push the implant to Day 5.  The assigned call time came and went, and that means we are going ahead with the Day 3 transfer, so I got to take the Valium to help me relax for the procedure.  I took a 2nd one at the clinic.  Veeeerrrry reeellllaaaxxxxed.

My IVF doctor said that he was implanting 2 "drop dead gorgeous" (his words, not mine) embryos.  I'll take it!  The picture we have is very pretty, and you can see all 8 cells in each embryo. 

Apparently the Valium lasts for awhile, because my hubby said that on the drive home, I said we could have 5 or 6 kids.  HA!  While I would definitely love to have more than one child, we'll see how this round goes. 

Now the hard part.....the 2 week wait for pregnancy labs!  I'm sure I'll cheat and take a home pregnancy test beforehand....

The Call - August 27, 2010

The call came from the IVF clinic this morning.  Of the 22 eggs retrieved, 12 were mature and 9 fertilized.  With 3 great looking embyos and 1 on the border, the clinic suggests a Day 3 transfer, but that could change at the last minute.  The last time we were a Day 5 transfer, but lost a few embryos in those 2 extra days, so I think the clinic wants to be cautious. 

The Retrieval - August 26, 2010

Woo-hoo, retrieval day!  Was up bright and early for the appointment.  Only up 4 lbs from the retrieval last year, not bad, all things considered.  The medications make you gain weight too, so hopefully I'll lose some lbs before a pregnancy is confirmed. 

Procedure went well and 22 eggs were retrieved, up from only 14 last time.  Fingers crossed there will be some embryos to freeze! 

In much more pain after the procedure this time than last, from what I can recall.  But it will be worth it in the end!

August 2010

The process has started...weeks of pills and shots.  I actually learned to give myself one of the subcutaneous shots in the belly this time!  I was very proud of myself, and did the shot 3 days in a row, then my husband felt like he was "missing out" on the process, so he took over again.  I really think he just likes causing me pain!  ;) 

BACKGROUND

We married at the ripe old age of 30 in the year 2006.  Being as most of our friends were married years before us, they had mostly all moved on to starting families by this point.  We wanted one year to ourselves before taking on the quest for children, so after a fabulous 1st anniversary trip to Hawaii, we got down to business.  The first few months were spent "not preventing", and when that didn't work, we moved on to ovulation kits, then a fancy fertility monitor.  At the magical one year mark and still no pregnancy, the doctors finally agreed to see us for a fertility work up. 

I won't get into details here, but we met the criteria for infertility.  Many tests later determined that we were candidates for ICF with ICSI, and 21 months after we started trying to get pregnant we had our first IVF treatment. 

Success!  At the 6 week ultrasound, we were pregnant with one and were told we had a vanishing twin.  At 8 weeks - SURPRISE!  The vanishing twin had reappeared, and we were indeed pregnant with twins.  We were ecstatic.  At the 20 week US we found out they were healthy boys.  My husband and I were so excited we took the day off work and registered for all things baby - times two. 

Then came 23 weeks - my cervix started to open, and I was placed on home bed rest, allowed out only for weekly appointments at the high risk doctor.  At 24 weeks, my cervix was completely gone, and I was immediately put on hospital bed rest.  Apparently I had been having contractions, but I didn't feel anything.  At 26 weeks and 5 days, the doctors could no longer hold off the contractions with medications, and our two precious boys were born. 

Although I had made it past the viability stage at 24 weeks, 26 weeks and 5 days was still just to early for my babies.  They each passed away within 5 days of their birth. The funeral mass was packed - it was truly unbelievable how many people's lives these babies touched in only a few short days.  We found out about the March of Dimes Walk for Babies about a week before the walk; we ended up raising over $3000 - the highest for a new team, and 9th place overall.  I told you these babies touched many lives!

My husband and I decided to get away a few weeks after the funeral, and while we were gone we learned that my oldest sister had been diagnosed with Acute Myleoid Leukemia.  When I returned from our getaway, I spent weeks at the hospital with my parents, our other sister, and many friends.  My oldest sister passed away only 5 weeks after her diagnosis, leaving behind her husband and two beautiful teenage daughters.  The Light the Night Leukemia walk is coming up in a month - and again, our team has raised over $3000!

The loss of my babies and my sister within 2 months of each other is a lot to handle.  Way too much.  I've cried every single day for the last 5 1/2 months.  I am by no means healed, but I am ready to move forward.  Which is why my husband and I have decided to try IVF again.  So here we are...ding ding ding...Round 2 begins...